by Merrick Rosenberg, MBA
We say it to our kids, we say it to our
spouse, and we really want to say it to our manager (but we know better).
Are you listening to me?
And when I say, “listening,” I mean really listening, not half-listening
while you’re checking your email and talking to me on the phone. The
Chinese character for listen is comprised of three other characters,
those representing ear, eye, and heart. Listening is a whole-body
experience in which the listener is fully present to the speaker.
We all know what it takes to be a good listener. In fact, I start my
listening skills training programs by having participants share
the characteristics of effective listeners. The class easily lists
behaviors such as: stopping all other activities, maintaining eye
contact, nodding to convey understanding, questioning to gather more
data, and paraphrasing to ensure accurate interpretation. So then why do
people need to be trained on listening if they already know what to do
to be a good listener?
The answer is simple. We all know what it takes to listen well, but
there often is a large gap between what we know and what we do.
Essentially, people simply need to decide to be good listeners. That’s
it. The secret is out. Effective listening is driven more by will, than
it is driven by skill.
I meet many people who know that they are not good listeners. They wear
it like a badge of honor. Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who had
the power to return home all along, so too can people be good listeners.
The power is already inside you. The decision is yours.
So why then don’t people make the decision when we know that effective
listening demonstrates respect and helps to make sure that messages are
received correctly? First of all, people speak at an average of 150
words per minute, but our brains can process information at about 500
words per minute. Think about it. You can pick up every word spoken by
an auctioneer…if you really focus and remain present. In other words, we
tune out when listening because we have excess brain capacity that
causes the mind to wander away from the speaker. And when the mind
wanders, we don’t pick up on what is being communicated.
We all have the power to be good listeners, if we choose to be. Imagine
that a doctor is telling a parent what is wrong with their sick child.
Will that parent be 100% present and pick up everything said by the
doctor? You better believe it! They are focused because they made the
choice to be focused. I bet they won’t even be checking their e-mail on
their Blackberry while the doctor is talking.
The difference between the scenario above and those typical in the
office is that the parent made the decision to be a good listener. We
have this power every minute of every day. We just need to reclaim it.
In countless communication skill workshops, I have witnessed managers
argue vehemently that they do not have the time to listen to everyone
who wants to speak with them…as if this justifies their disrespectful
listening behaviors.
Studies have found that 70% of workplace mistakes are caused by
breakdowns in communication. We all know that poor listening behaviors
contribute to many of those breakdowns. I would argue that if you don’t
have the time to listen well the first time, you really won’t have time
the second.
Consider the following listening habits. Are you guilty of any of these?
-
Multi-tasking while someone is speaking to you.
-
Interrupting the speaker.
-
Not looking at the speaker.
-
Thinking about what you’re going to say while the speaker is talking.
-
Saying you understand before the speaker is finished.
-
Sharing a solution before the speaker finished describing the problem.
-
Faking attention (“uh huh” is a dead give-away that you’re not listening).
-
Topping the speaker’s story with your own.
Being hearing impaired
is a physical condition; Being listening impaired is a self-imposed
condition. Effective listening requires commitment.
The secret is out. Did you hear it?
Merrick Rosenberg, MBA, is the co-founder and CEO & President of Team
Builders Plus, in Cherry Hill, NJ. In working with line staff to senior
executives in worldwide organizations in diverse industries and sizes,
Merrick has served as a facilitator, performance coach, and management
consultant for more than eighteen years. He specializes in leadership
development, team building, and organizational development. Merrick also
coaches individuals using 360-degree feedback results and behavioral
style analysis. Merrick has been featured on CN8’s Money Matters Today
and in ASTD’s Training & Development magazine.
- 360-Degree Feedback
- DISC Behavioral Styles
- Leadership Training
- Performance Coaching
- Career Development
© 2008 Team Builders
Plus, Inc.
Please send questions, suggestions or comments to
info@teambuildersplus.com.